I Hate Google

I hate GOOGLE.  Here is why.  Some days my confidence in being a mother (or a normal human) is low when things aren't going well.  I feel as though I'm doing something wrong and feel the need to fix the situation. So I look for my fix on the Internet.  Never in my bachelors, masters, career have I EVER sought after so much information.  This is a cumulative of 16 years by the way.  Being a mom of twins has been the hardest job and greatest learning experience of my life.  Trying to understand the needs of one baby let alone two is overwhelming.

On bad days and nights I might Google continuously for an hour while breastfeeding one or two babies.  Or I'd lie awake after a rare stint of four hours of sleep and think of topics to google.  Today I googled, Are babies asleep when they are nursing?  Does my husband hate his life?  Why won't baby nap?  Baby napped three hours is this normal?  What happens inside a breast during a feeding? Why did baby go to bed at 5 pm?  Is my baby over tired?  Is the broccoli and cereal filling her up?  What are the changes in poop once solids are introduced? Or I type in random statements like, Baby ate for two hours straight, just to see what pops up.  I guess I'm searching for someone to relate my experience too.  Back in the day, mommies probably hung out with other mommies all day and shared ideas and experiences along with aunts, mothers and grandmothers.  I don't have that as much.  For one my mother recalls nothing of my childhood and has no recollection of how she cared for my sister or me.  But she has been a great help to me.  She has been here a total of 13 weeks out of 27.  I do have my two cousins to talk to as well.  My cousin Chelsea has toddler twins (she graciously supplied me with much of the baby gear I have) and my cousin   Erin who has a baby three days younger than mine.  But both are busy and I certainly do not want to nag them at three in the morning.

I come in contact with a lot of crap on google.  Sleep Experts touting their books to make a couple bucks off of desperate parents, message boards with everybodies two cents and personal blogs.  Over the last few months I have learned to be more critical of what I read online and not take into consideration what every mom on baby center has to say, or what the pediatrician Ferber suggests doing to babies (which I will never do), or mimic what other mothers claim works for their babies.  Most of what I read makes no sense,y is contradictory.

Two months later- I have not googled anything but recipes for over a month now!  What bliss!  The twins will be 8 months soon.  My friends grandmother sent me a card that read "get through the first three months."  Well with twins you better double that!  The first six months were ROUGH!

One saying I did find to be truthful from Google. "This too shall pass".  When reading those words during the confusing times I gained relief.  But now that the twins and I simply know each other and have less challenges, it makes me horribly sad.  That one day soon they won't lay in my arms each night and breastfeed to sleep.  Or wake me up at four am for a cuddle and milk.  In a couple of months someone else will be feeding them lunch and cleaning up their crusty faces while I return to work.  Finally my mind almost feels back to normal and I know NOT to worry so much, go with the flow, and ENJOY what EVERY single day brings.